I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
