yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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