I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
