I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
