You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
