you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
