One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
