I hate all girls vehemently.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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