peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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