im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize