Welp...herpes.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
