I have demons in me.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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