I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
