just come out here and I will go home with you...
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
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