meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
