please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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