Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
