He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
This toilet bowl is my home.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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