He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
