pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
