Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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