Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
