I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
