You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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