Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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