I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
