I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
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