I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
