found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
