If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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