Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize