fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
