thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
