i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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