my mouth tastes like poor choices
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
