I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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