just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
it's like iHOP with fire
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
