singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
