Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
