I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Randomize
