I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize