I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
accomplished twins. life is a go
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize