guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize