No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
