Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
