I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
