You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
