At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
And then he peed in my hair
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