I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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