Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
