i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
