Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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