You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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