she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
