am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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