Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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