you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
nutella sex= disaster
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
