It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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