walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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