If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
meet me or not, i'm out of control
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
