Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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