Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
