So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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