Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
