Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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