so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
